


Saddlebags

by MaddieWrites



Series: A Very Cracky Christmas [1]
Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, Did I mention it's crack?, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I'm Sorry Tolkien, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-13 00:56:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10503078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieWrites/pseuds/MaddieWrites
Summary: I wrote this as a gag gift for my friend Caitlin. We were coming up with awful ships and Gandalf/Shadowfax (that white horse he whistles for and rides-no pun intended-places) was one of those ships. Technically that makes this her fault... A big thank you to my dad for helping me write this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I am very sorry and you should probably turn back now. Leave a comment if you... I don't want to say liked it, but leave a comment if you have something to say. Thanks for reading I guess...

“Ah, hello old friend.” Gandalf greeted his lover. Shadowfax whinnied in response, nuzzling Gandalf's hand as though this visit was unexpected.  
“I thought you'd moved on.” The horse replied.  
“Whatever led you to believe that?”  
“You've been gone for a while.”  
“I could never part from you mellon nin.”  
Legolas cleared his throat, uncomfortable.  
“Ah yes. We'd best be headed towards Rohan. It's a three day ride from here. Before we ride off, I have a gift for you ara haurasha.” Gandalf smiled, producing a pair of saddle bags from thin air.  
“Hannan le! Thank you!” Shadowfax exclaimed while the wizard attached them.  
“They don't make my butt look big, do they?”  
“Of course not!”  
“Thank you fenor.”  
“We should leave.” Aragorn reminded Gandalf, mounting his horse.

 

Gandalf thanked the traveler for directions. “And what a fine horse you have.” He added, eying the blonde mare who eyed him right back. Shadowfax stamped his hoof impatiently.  
“We must keep moving.” It was Gimli's turn to keep the wizard on track.  
“You were all over that horse!” Shadowfax huffed, not caring that they weren't out of earshot. “It's the saddle bags, isn't it? They do make my butt look big! I knew it!”  
“The saddle bags are fine! Besides, you were all over Aragorn when you first met him and I never said a word!”  
“The saddle bags are just fine!?! Not wonderful? Not glamorous? Just fine!?!” Shadowfax raged.  
“You always look glamorous! And I'm allowed to look at other horses if you can look at other humans!”  
“I was not all over Aragorn! And what does it matter? Even you think he's hot.”  
Aragorn was, at this point, very uncomfortable and suggested they carry on.  
“Not until Gandalf apologizes!” Shadowfax huffed.  
“You're the one accusing me of things I didn't do!”  
“You were checking her out!”  
“I was not!”  
“How many other horses are you seeing!?! I bet you even slept with Aragorn!”  
“There's only you ara haurasha!”  
“Only me!?! Lasto al lalaith nin! There's someone else!”  
“I assure you, mellon nin, there isn't.”  
“If there isn't then why did you buy me a gift to woo me?”  
“I thought you 'd look good in the saddle bags!”  
“Of course I look good in them! I look good in everything!”  
“Exactly! Are you done ranting?”  
“I suppose.” Shadowfax said in a tone that didn't sound like he was truly done ranting.  
“Good. Off to Rohan!”  
“It's the other way.” Gimli huffed and the wizard turned to head in the right direction.

 

“You hate me! I know it!”  
“I don't hate you da fen. It's only a little gas; and how were you supposed to know you're parsnip intolerant?” Gandalf tried to soothe Shadowfax.  
“I almost decided to have the onions! I didn't want my breath to stink but now it's my other end that's stinking!”  
“It's alright. I don't mind.”  
“I do.” Gimli mumbled. He and Legolas were downwind of the horse.  
“It's fine darling.”  
“And I shouldn't have had any oats! I'll get fat!”  
“Oats won't make you fat.”  
“Yes they will! That's why you checked out that mare!”  
“I thought you were over that! We resolved it yesterday!”  
“No! You just didn't want to talk about it! And you didn't even notice my hooficure! You're so vain you didn't notice!”  
“I'm not vain! You're the one who wants me to pay attention to you all the time!”  
Shadowfax dumped Gandalf on the trail and turned his back on the wizard.  
“Shadowfax! I didn't mean it!”  
A loud burst of gas shot towards the wizard on the path and Gandalf coughed from the smell before finally getting up.  
“Are we even now?” He asked Shadowfax.  
“We're even.”  
“You know I love you.”  
“Of course I do.”  
“And the saddle bags really do look marvelous.”  
“They don't make my butt look big?”  
“No.”  
“I'm sorry I yelled.”  
“I'm sorry I checked out another horse.”  
“It's alright. I know you'll always love me.” Shadowfax smiled, admiring the saddle bags before heading off into the sunset with the love of his life on his back.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:  
> Mellon nin = My love  
> Ara haurasha = literally it means honey, but if you translate the slang it means you arouse me... I'm sorry guys and gals...  
> Hannan le = Thank you  
> Fenor = Precious... No comment  
> Lasto al lalaith nin = Listen to my laughter which is an Elvish insult  
> Da fen = Little wolf which is a playful term of endearment


End file.
